I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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