When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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