we made out on top of his cat.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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