i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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