Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
