so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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