i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
ttyl tear gas
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
