i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
