On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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