hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
