no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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