By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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