we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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