so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
