ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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