haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize