Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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