And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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