Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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