Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
