Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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