And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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