That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize