im drinking this country out of the recession.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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