My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
