he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
