you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize