A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
