you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dignity is for republicans.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
