my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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