on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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