I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
