I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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