you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
