just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
