fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
