He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
