no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
