every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
