Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
