I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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