The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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