you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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