dude i'm inner monologue high
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
