D3 body, D1 cock
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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