you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
