I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
