It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
