At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
