so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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