well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
