I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
