I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
should my penis look like a turkey
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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