my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
