whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
