Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
