god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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