As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
