I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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