he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
