Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just blew my weed a kiss
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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