if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
