and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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