So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
