Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
