If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
