Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
