I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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