Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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