I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
