I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize