What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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