I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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