So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
