dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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