i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
