and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
