Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
