you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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