Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
