I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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