singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
