I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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