i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
