I need to stop coming to work sober
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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