My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
