I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
