too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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