Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
