Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
