Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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