I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
