I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
