she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize