got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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