when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
