Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
