omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
