Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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