We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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