If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
